I never thought a lump could redefine my entire existence, but on July 19th, 2024, it did just that. A date that will forever be ingrained in my head. A lump that formed halfway between my breast and armpit flipped my whole world upside down. I first noticed it shortly after I finished breastfeeding my second child. My son was going on 9 months and I had decided it was time to close that chapter. Get my body back. Have my boobs be mine again! Based on the timeline of this little devil showing up, I assumed it was a clogged milk duct. I let it ride for a month-ish before I realized the little lump was still there, and in fact, it seemed to be getting bigger. I asked my girlfriend, whose background is an oncology nurse, about it. We talked about the characteristics and determined that it didn't sound like a cancerous lump, but if it stuck around for another week I should reach out to my primary and get it looked at.
Well, life with a 10 & 34 month old and running two businesses can be a little hectic so another month flew by before I reached out to my primary who recommended I come in ASAP to have it looked at. She agreed that the characteristics & the way it felt didn't persuade her it was anything to be too concerned about but she still recommended a mammogram and ultrasound just to be safe. Within the week I was scheduled for the mammogram/ultrasound and again, the medical staff wasn't overly concerned but the imaging couldn’t confirm that it wasn’t cancerous so they sent me to have it biopsied. It would take a few days to get the results so I just resumed my daily life of chasing two little boys around and the endless tasks of running a small business. Truly, I wasn’t concerned or freaked out, as one might expect you to be, awaiting results on what this growth might be.
Then, the call came. I was driving home to pick up my keys that I left behind that morning. The nurse navigator asked what I was doing and if I would be able to pull over to talk for a few minutes. I took a deep breath because right there I just knew the results didn’t come back as everyone had expected. I pulled over, just a block away from my house, not daring to go inside to have the conversation because my two little guys and their babysitter would be there and it just wasn’t a conversation I could have while being pulled on by my two year old, excited to see his mama walk in the door. And so it was said, the results came back cancerous. In more detail, it was invasive ductal carcinoma, grade 3.
There’s a sense of feeling numb after receiving news like this. All the things running through your head. What is life going to look like now? How do I tell my loved ones? How do I be the mom I want to be/need to be for my littles? Is my life really coming to an end? How can this be? I was 33. Breast cancer doesn’t happen to 33 year olds! But yes. Yes it does.
It’s been a few months since my diagnosis. Enough time to get past the numb stage, past the scared stage and now I’m just in my ‘let's kick ass’ stage. God knows how strong I am. He knows that I have a village behind me supporting me, lifting me up, making me feel beautiful and loved. There’s never a good time for cancer, and I remember having a conversation with God saying “Really? You really think I can handle this right now? Don’t I already have enough on my plate?” But now, knowing what I do, I realized the timing of this happening was for a reason. It has opened my eyes to the numerous blessings that God has graced me with. And I think, thats what he wanted me to see right now.
In the last year my relationship with God was growing stronger and stronger. The timing of our relationship growth was impeccable, really. He knew I was going to need him as I entered into “My fighting era”. I’m not scared. I’m not scared because my life is in his hands. He has given me the will to fight. If he decides my time on Earth is done, then I get to live in his Kingdom. That is nothing to be scared about!
It can be so easy to take life, love, motherhood, marriage, friendship (all the things I value most) for granted. My eyes and soul are rejuvenated. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t appreciate these gifts that I’ve been given. This diagnosis isn't just a challenge; it's an opportunity to live more fully, love more deeply, and inspire more broadly. Every sunrise is a gift, every hug from my children a blessing, and every step forward a victory. Cancer may have entered my story, but it will not define me. With God by my side and my village behind me, I'm not just fighting for my life – I'm fighting to show the world the incredible power of hope, resilience, and gratitude. This is not the end of my journey; it's the beginning of my greatest era.