You go through life thinking to yourself that you're young and healthy and that nothing could be wrong. You never think you'll be the one - the one to be diagnosed with Cancer. January 4th, 2024 changed my life forever, and I like to say - for the better. 

In June of 2023 I was certain I was experiencing high anxiety. My heart would race, my blood pressure was up and I was getting more winded than usual when I was running - something that hadn't happened before. I was in the best shape of my adult life and thought for sure I just finally needed to get on some anxiety meds. I scheduled an appointment and went to see my doctor. I had struggled with anxiety my entire life and my doctor was in agreement that it could benefit me to start a low dose of sertraline.  

I am not sure what, in that moment, made me ask for a full blood panel. I can only imagine it was divine intervention - because I wasn't even sure what it all entailed. I just knew I hadn't had my labs drawn since I had my youngest, 4 years prior. My doctor said it wasn't necessary but she was totally fine submitting the orders. [Take it from me - keep up on these things! Advocate for yourself!]

My doctor called me the next day and explained that I had "pancytopenia" which means that all 4 of my main blood levels were low. But, they were mildly low and it wasn't something we were going to worry about at that time. I went on living my life, continuing to run and started feeling better once my meds kicked in. I didn't think a single thing could ever be wrong. 

6 months later I was back at the doctor for my monthly pap smear. My doctor wanted to run my CBC again to check on my anemia, and I was a bit hesitant as I was feeling "good". I agreed to the lab and sure enough, the pancytopenia was still there. A hematologist was consulted - many many vials of blood were taken and I waited. December 27th I received a phone call from the hematologist who ordered the labs that my blood levels showed what they believed to be Multiple Myeloma but that we wouldn't know for sure until I had a bone marrow biopsy. The call arrived almost 23 years later to the date that my Grandpa Coatta passed away from Multiple Myeloma. My dad was certain it was his way of telling him that everything would be ok, that he would take care of me. Another sign from above. 

I couldn't believe it, I truly couldn't. There was no way that a 35 year old, athletic, healthy woman could be diagnosed with a cancer that had an average diagnosis in 65 year olds. It wasn't possible, but sure enough, it was. My bone marrow biopsy was performed on Jan 2, 2024 and I received an official diagnosis on Jan 4, 2024. The Myeloma was present, and in a large way. 86% of my bone marrow showed cancerous plasma cells. 

I went on to receive many tests, MRI's, PET scans, labs and THANK GOD I had no bone, organ or genetic involvement. My prognosis was good - but to this day there is no cure, so we can only hope for years and years of remission before a relapse will occur. 

From the beginning, I was positive. I wasn't going to let a diagnosis bring me down. I wasn't going to let my girls see me sad. I knew I could kick ass and beat this thing. I have never wished it was not me, because if it was somebody else that I loved - I wouldn't be able to handle it. 

My girls are my lifeline. They are the thing that keeps me going, and going at the rate that I do. They are the reason I am positive, happy, strong. They are Stevie & Maggie - 6 and 4 year old little loves. I like to think that this diagnosis has made me a better wife, mom, sister, daughter and friend. There is beauty that comes from being diagnosed with a cancer that doesn't have a cure. You try to live life everyday - truly - to the fullest. Even if that is just reading an extra chapter to your 1st grader at night, or laying with your 4 year old for "5 extra minutes". 

You try your best to be kind, to not react, to not fight. What a gift it is from God to look at your life differently, and realize what matters and what doesn't. What is meaningful and what isn't. I will fight forever to keep the cancer "away" - but I will also look at it as a gift to be a better person in this life.